From the day that Arya was born I knew that I had handed in my “boss-of-me” keys to a tiny little powerhouse. She had been on this planet for all of 24 hours and she made it known that she knew exactly what was up. We should have known what we were getting into from the first night home, when she screamed from 1-5 AM until the Grandma’s came to the rescue. Or even by her resistance to the bassinet, which meant that we had to switch off sleeping with her on our stomachs for about the first month. From the start, she has let us know exactly what she does and doesn’t want. No matter how we have tried to push or persuade otherwise, this kid has found ways to make her position be known and respected.
I hate to admit it, but we certainly underestimated her ability to verbalize these preferences. Her first communication damn near pitched me out of bed. I had been doing simple baby sign language with Arya from birth. She was 4 months old and we were just waking up for the day. I said, “Hello Arya” and her little hand rose up to answer back, “Hello Mama”. I nearly had a conniption! I know I was the one teaching her to sign, but I really didn’t expect her to talk so early, especially when the books tell you it shouldn’t be until 9 months. Looking back I don’t even know why I was surprised. Now, at 17 months, she can say just about anything you can say. She is even starting to put together 2-3 word sentences. Sometimes when she gets pissed I swear she is cussing me out. I hear “no no no ggaii feerrbb bbar nunu mama”, but she is really saying, “no no no, I don’t want my nunu mama”! Sheesh, attitude. The crazy thing is that I am not only seeing this with Arya but with her little cohorts as well, who are crazy advanced. (This generation of babies is really tripping me out.)
There were also times when I tried to push for things to operate differently… say with breastfeeding… but she still held her ground. Nursing is by far the most amazing bonding experience that you can have with your child, but let me be one to keep it real and say – it is a commitment! I saw all my other bottle-feeding mommy friends having nights out on the town or leaving for a weekend, but I was going nowhere. Not with the “I-don’t-do-bottles” leche monster on hand. I was ready to start weaning at 10 months, but Miss Fly was not having it. I kept whining about it and of course my hippy (but super smart) Mama kept saying “she will stop when she is ready”. That was not what I wanted to hear, but she was right – everything in due time.
My lesson for 2009 was exactly that. All things happen in divine time. At one point we have all been there, trying so hard to push the envelope in one direction or another. We pack all of our rationale into a neat little hand basket and set out to manipulate our world. Yet, despite our control freak antics, sometimes someone has another plan for us. Be it a higher power or just a little power-baby, we must learn to gracefully surrender to what is and continue to pray and be grateful for what will be.
Sigh. Release. Ashe.