The Cultured Seed

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Regenerating the Soul June 23, 2010

Filed under: Culture — theculturedseed @ 12:18 am
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A Page from My Diary – Belize, June 21 2010

 

As I step off of the plane I am instantly hit with a heat that I know only too well. This reminds me of “my country”, Costa Rica, just a few skips to the  south. In our little transport we pass houses typical of the Caribbean – brick and wooden buildings painted over in candy colored hues. Only here would teal, electric orange and lime green houses be coveted. We pass stretches of greenery and I think to myself, “hmm, this place looks like Guanacaste”. Shortly thereafter we pass the Guanacaste National Park and I chuckle. I would know those trees anywhere, you see, because they are “my trees”.

I briefly remember back to the anxiety that I felt on the plane; a mixture of guilt for having left behind my family and job and excitement for the journey that lies ahead. I realize that this is only a memory and the anxiety has vanished, melted away like the remnants of my makeup which is fighting a loosing battle to the heat. Just then, I remember why I am here – to hear myself again. To listen to that part of me that gets drowned out by all of the beliefs, paradigms, constraints, expectations and day to day demands. The ones that I have held for so long and no longer serve me. I am here to unlearn what I have learned and still take the 30 years of knowledge that I have gained and drop it into a bucket called wisdom, while detaching from expectation and past conditioning in order to truly move forward.

I am here to be reborn. Sometimes it is possible to make small adjustments and sometimes you have to burn it all to the ground in order to rise like the Phoenix. Hey, sometimes it “be’s” like that. I guess I learned a thing or two from the Scorpio’s in my life. I find it ironic that I would be carrying my second child right now (also a Scorpio) in the midst of my own rebirth. I almost feel forced into catharsis, despite my rational self, it’s like I have no choice. Arya has already taught me so much about myself, about who I want to be for her and for me. Pretty naïve of me to think that Edan wouldn’t do the same. These are some powerfully catalytic kids. I can’t wait to see the global change that they will bring.

For me, right now, it is clear – change or lay down and die. It sounds dire and in a way it is. So I choose life. My life, by my design. I choose me, for me and for us, and in the midst of this natural splendor I feel grateful for being in the drivers seat again.

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6 Responses to “Regenerating the Soul”

  1. Sharon Bernard Says:

    Thank you for choosing life. May this retreat help you re-frame your purpose and intentions==for you and your family. Gaining some objectivity while simultaneously digging deep can move some powerful forces within. Focus on what is most dear to your heart and you can’t go wrong. Love you! Mama

  2. Taneya Says:

    Ashe, Ashe! I hope you carried a picture of your Scorpio fiends in your pocket…I could use a little “my country.” This blog was right on time. Regeneration is sooooo key. We have to fight (without guilt) to be still, so that we can replenish, gear back up and continue our path to our fullest potential.

    choosing you does benefit us all…love you!

    • Taneya Says:

      btw, “rejuvenating the soul” needs a sound track…and a reading list:

      first song: “Me” erykah badu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6vEMjrzOeI)

      first read: “I Get Born,” Dust Tracks on a Road, zora neale hurston

      • Taneya Says:

        …my spirit is picking synonyms for your blog title (regenerating/rejuvenating)….indeed, it be’s that way sometimes 🙂

      • Word up my Ney-Ney. I have in deed learned a lot from my fiends, grandma and baby girl about the feminine Scorpion way of execution. Have a few planets in my chart there too so that probably makes it easier to tap into. It’s funny that regenerating came top of mind for me too over rejuvenating. I guess it’s more like chop off the tail and let it regrow anew rather than to tape it up and patch it over until it heals – you know? Both good though depending on what you need. I have in fact been listening to Erykah daily. Along with some Lauren Hill, India Arie and Amel Larrieux. Will have to pick up that Zora when I get home. Something about words/lyrics to soothe the soul.

  3. I want to go! Eso es todo.


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